Managing difficult meetings: sometimes you have to be tough. Difficult people make meetings difficult.
The wrong word to a tough colleague can prematurely, and embarrassingly, end an important meeting.
Managing difficult meetings: sometimes you have to be tough
First, let’s deal with attendance
If attendance is compulsory, everyone should arrive on time, having completed all their preparation. Phones, laptops and tablets should be switched off or, better still, left outside the meeting room.
If someone is expecting a vital call or message, their phone may be left on, in vibration mode. They must, of course, immediately leave the room when the phone activates.
When someone arrives a few minutes after the meeting has started, you have two options: The first is to stop the meeting, allow the latecomer to take their seat and give them a brief summary of the main points discussed and any decisions taken. If the attendee is someone whose presence is vital, this is probably your only choice.
This second option is firmer but, if late arrivals are a major problem in your business, it may be necessary. Simply say, “I’m sorry Peter, the meeting started at 8.00 sharp and we’ve a lot to get through so there’s no time to brief you on our discussion so far. You can be excused; we’ll make sure you get the minutes.”
Anyone who arrives late and hasn’t sent apologies beforehand is guilty of discourtesy to you as the convenor and to everyone else who took the trouble to arrive on time. Their poor timekeeping should be discussed with them after the meeting.
Start and end on time
If your meetings are known to start late, people will arrive late.
Under no circumstances should you delay an important meeting to wait for late attendees unless their lateness is legitimate and unavoidable and the meeting can’t proceed without them. You always have the option to postpone and reschedule when everyone is available.
Discourage people from leaving a meeting before the agenda has been concluded as this disrupts the flow. When setting meetings, you should always stipulate the start time and the anticipated time the meeting will close.
It’s acceptable to run a few minutes past the deadline but, if you continually run much later, expect that people with important responsibilities will trickle away and this will irritate those left behind. Soon the trickle will turn into a torrent as others say to themselves, “Well if they can leave now, so can I.”
Disrupters: what to say and when
Every meeting has them, sometimes more than one. These are the people who come late, ask to leave early, don’t switch off their phones, speak out of turn, don’t speak at all, contribute nothing but a restatement of someone else’s opinion, finish sentences for others or signal their frustration by pulling faces, yawning and continuously shifting in their seats.
One of these disrupters can be awkward enough, but dealing with more than one requires every ounce of your patience and careful use of language. The most common disrupters are these:
The silent protester.
This is the person who contributes little or nothing to the meeting, except scribbling on their pad or staring out the window. Unless this behaviour is productive, don’t invite them to your meetings; they’re simply wasting the oxygen that helps others to think.
Other forms of quiet protest are the rolling of eyes, tossing or shaking of the head, clicking of the tongue or a softly muttered “nuh-uh” every time a point is made with which they disagree.
Like all disturbances, this one needs immediate action. You should address the person as soon as you notice this behaviour: “Cathy, I see you’re unhappy with something that was said. Your opinion is important, let’s hear it.”
Everyone who attends important meetings should contribute usefully. If they can’t or won’t, they must be excluded from similar meetings in future.
Gossips and bullies.
No less irritating than the silent protester are the gossip and the bully. The gossip will often introduce rumour or hearsay into a discussion that should be based on facts, not speculation.
Address this by asking, “Do we know this to be true, is there any evidence we can review, has anyone else heard about this?”
If the opinion offered is worth following up and it needs to be done quickly, you may send someone to check it by making a call, or a using a computer if it will only take a few minutes. This may offer a convenient time to take a break.
Some gossips will resort to whispering to their neighbour, usually with a few snorts and giggles thrown in. Deal with this quickly: “Jack, Wendy – can we have one meeting please. Thank you. If your conversation isn’t useful for the rest of us, please continue during the break.”
The bully is usually vocal, constantly interrupts and often interprets what others have said: “I hear what Adrian is saying: basically it’s the responsibility of the marketing team…” Usually this is exactly Adrian’s point but the bully has successfully taken ownership.
Bullies need victims so if, as the convenor, you allow this to continue you’re unlikely to finish your agenda on time. Pass the advantage back to Adrian like this: “Adrian, has Robert captured your point accurately? If so, please expand and, if not, tell us what you actually meant.”
This should silence the bully for a while, though it will take several similar exchanges before they realize they have to follow your leadership.
If the bully changes tactics and turns their attention to you, perhaps challenging some of your conclusions or disagreeing with your analysis or even complaining about the way you’ve structured the meeting, pass the ball back. Invite them to tell everyone how they would do things differently:
“Okay Janine, you’re not convinced my decision is the right one. Tell us how you would do things and please explain in detail how the outcome will be different if we follow your suggestion.”
Either the bully will retreat or, if they really do have a better idea, the meeting will have achieved its purpose, which should be to jointly make the best decisions in the interests of the organization.
Final points on meetings
- Most organizations have too many of them. They are regarded by executives all over the world as the most common factor in lost productivity.
- If you must have a meeting, keep it as short as you can. Take breaks of 5-10 minutes when appropriate to allow everyone to use the bathroom and pour coffee, then resume.
- If you can cover an agenda in ten to fifteen minutes, consider asking everyone to remain standing and don’t serve refreshments.
- Before scheduling a meeting, make sure you can’t achieve your objectives another way – by email, on the company intranet or a working lunch with the key executives concerned with the issues
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